This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
