just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
