I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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