So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I sprained my soul last night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
