Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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