These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
