Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
