What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
