thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
