last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
