My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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