dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
