She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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