Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As shirtless as possible
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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