I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
