I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
