she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
