its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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