fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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