New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
