I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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