well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you inspire me to be a worse person
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
