who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I understand Curling. That high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize