I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
