i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
handjob tips. give me some.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize