im so drunk with asians
where?
always
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The adults are the big ones right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
