Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
