Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone says I win the strip club
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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