The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
not ubering you a puppy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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