We're facebook friends in real life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
