On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
