I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
