the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
