just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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