so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
