Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
