I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
