So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We left the knife in your bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
