I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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