my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize