so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize