My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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