the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
