I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
this hospital has no fireball
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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