What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
