omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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