Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
