Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
