why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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