This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
now i know why i became what i already was.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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