I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
