naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
