she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
