im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
