I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
