i need an iv and a liver transplant
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
