Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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