He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
