And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
