I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
