You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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