My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
