So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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