My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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