wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize