My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
