Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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