I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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