While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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