I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
