she smelled like a LAN party
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
