Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
