I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
