a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
