I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize