Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
