I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish you could order shots online.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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